I met up with Sokline, which was more annoying than it needed to be. It's awkward enough that i don't want any association with that group, what i thought was a quick 15-minute greet &meet lasted for an hour, &i ended up missing an hour of midterm review for ArtHis. All bc he was showing me around the student activity center, which i have no interest in. We talked about academic stuff, he filled out a worksheet w/ boxes of a bunch of goals. My goals. Immediate academic goal, immediate holistic goal, future academic goals, future holistic goal, etc. I had to keep saying i have no goal at the moment. I even explained to him i dont like to put goals down on paper least i feel the pressure to having fulfill them at inconvenience. He countered that i shouldn't think of it as a check-off list, just "steps" that will help me get there. Still it was annoying. You're just a stranger, dude, what makes you think i can share my personal thoughts with you? I think, future-wise, i really want to settle down, find s.o. who can provide me the companionship, security, and love i long for. I've always craved love, any form of love, but i've done a pretty good job of concealing those wants and needs, haven't i? Anyway, i wasn't gonna share all that w/ him.
At one point, he was like, "i feel like i'm the one asking all the questions..." So i asked about a bright red string he was wearing, bc it really attracted my attention. It turned out to be from a Buddhist temple he went to in Cambodia - he's quite religious. He told me how Cambodian Buddhist worship a different sect than Vietnamese &Chinese Buddhist, which i didnt know b4. I wonder why we didnt have a longer conversation about that. Oh he's in Bascara's class w/ me! Dude just doesn't go to class! Apparently he has an upper div class w/ Bascara too, which was smaller &on a personal level.
I think i totally don't like him like him. I'm just being stubborn. Once s.o. catches my eyes, it's as if i close my eyes to all the reasoning my mind's telling me. Like i know we didn't really click or find each other fascinating - dude didn't even laugh at my witty jokes! - somehow inside me sth is retaliating, 'i don't care, let's keep stalking him.' Oh, his eyes are gorgeous. They remind me of the illustrations of Cambodian / APA i saw in class. They look like elongated almonds - a very distinct shape that i wish i can recapture on paper. But his teeth are horribly crooked, though.
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