Last weekend was Meghan [my roommie] and her bf's one-year anniversary.  He flew in from NorCal to surprise her &all that cute stuff.  I went home for the weekend &only saw him briefly when i got back.  One of Jordan Hoyle's ex's recently got engaged to her bf of 4 years.  &As it happened, he totally loved her &was upset by this news.  He confessed it to Meghan, who wasn't so pleased.  Then, Saturday night at 3-4 a.m., she saw his fb messages &found out he had msg-ed Ashley, telling her that he's upset by her engagement, that although he loves Meghan &tell her she means the world to him, it was only to make Ashley jealous.  In truth, Ashley was everything to him.  When she subtly told him to back off &even reassured him that his relationship with Meghan also seems difficult bc of the far distant, he almost begged her to talk to him.  He even said he loves her.  Well, after reading that, Meghan just cried.  She told him what she read, &he panicked and cried too (wonderful)  He apologized endlessly &says that he feels terrible for hurting her that way.  He even told her this trip just proves to him that he has e.t. he needs.  But, how can she believe his words after seeing his action?  You know?

Hearing all that, i couldn't help but notice how i was in the same stagnant position.  Isn't that where we ran into storms of issues and insecurities?  He started to shift his attention to someone else, while proclaiming that I was the only one.  We never could find the answer to our problem, you know.  E.time he throws out a promise, it just sickened me more bc i no longer believed in any of it, bc he didn't give me anything to believe in.  But i was dumb.  I couldn't walk from it before it walked from me.  I just want an adult relationship.  I want someone who would guide me rather than making me find answers to perpetual problems.  I kinda want a relationship