I went out with Zuluaga yesterday. Was super excited to see him after i sang happy birthday to him on the phone on his birthday. The minute i got in his car, i was uncomfortable. I mean, for some reason, i didn't tell my roommates that i were going with him; i said a girl friend of mine is meeting me for dinner. I gave him my gift when i saw him - a book of Desmond Tutu's quotes, and chocolate - and he kissed me on the cheek. We went for a walk around Westwood, i told him my dilemma, we talked for a bit. Went to a Japanese barbecue restaurant, one of those ridiculous places where you are given a small amount of food, expected to cook your own food, and charged with a crazy amount. It was good, but not great. Lol, we sat next to this fat couple who looked like they were on a date. At one point i got excited about sth apparently, and started swinging my utensils when i spoke. Much to my dismay, i flung food to their table :O They just laughed it off though. That was funny.
We talked. I told him about my cultural confusion dilemma, and how i want speak to my professor about it. I still don't know what to do. Intuitively, i WANT to talk to my professor, bc, well.. i have a damn good story to tell. But in telling, i kinda expect some sort of resolution to my dilemma, perhaps a justification for the history, an explanation without personal bias and bitterness. I realized... i don't know what i want. Idk what am i gonna ask from him, HOW am i gonna present my situation to him, what will be his reaction, etc. UNSOLVED. We talked about other stuff, zuluaga and i, discussed books, told stories. I told him the stories about the korean couple i learned in class, and he provided his point of view. Then he asked me what asian women tend to think, how they act within the family dynamic, bc he "was married to one." We brought up the past, and i felt that he had had very strong feelings for her, in the sense that... he might still does. He commented, 'i've met my soulmate once in my life, but we're just not together,' or sth along that line. He said he doesn't know why he married her, but he does acknowledge that their 5 years together left him with a lot of memories. She is the mother of the daughter he loves and adores infinitely, you know ? I just... don't understand, then, what his current wife means to him. Is she of lesser importance as the first ? Probably not, but i dont think he ever speak about her much, except when mentioning her schizophrenia conditions... NO COMMENT.
At the end of the day, he apologized for kissing me bc he noticed i was uncomfortable. Er, yeah. I hate this. When i don't see him, i am anxious to share the things i see and the things i feel with him. When we go out, i feel extremely uncomfortable, as if to tell myself i shouldn't be doing this.
We talked. I told him about my cultural confusion dilemma, and how i want speak to my professor about it. I still don't know what to do. Intuitively, i WANT to talk to my professor, bc, well.. i have a damn good story to tell. But in telling, i kinda expect some sort of resolution to my dilemma, perhaps a justification for the history, an explanation without personal bias and bitterness. I realized... i don't know what i want. Idk what am i gonna ask from him, HOW am i gonna present my situation to him, what will be his reaction, etc. UNSOLVED. We talked about other stuff, zuluaga and i, discussed books, told stories. I told him the stories about the korean couple i learned in class, and he provided his point of view. Then he asked me what asian women tend to think, how they act within the family dynamic, bc he "was married to one." We brought up the past, and i felt that he had had very strong feelings for her, in the sense that... he might still does. He commented, 'i've met my soulmate once in my life, but we're just not together,' or sth along that line. He said he doesn't know why he married her, but he does acknowledge that their 5 years together left him with a lot of memories. She is the mother of the daughter he loves and adores infinitely, you know ? I just... don't understand, then, what his current wife means to him. Is she of lesser importance as the first ? Probably not, but i dont think he ever speak about her much, except when mentioning her schizophrenia conditions... NO COMMENT.
At the end of the day, he apologized for kissing me bc he noticed i was uncomfortable. Er, yeah. I hate this. When i don't see him, i am anxious to share the things i see and the things i feel with him. When we go out, i feel extremely uncomfortable, as if to tell myself i shouldn't be doing this.
I am invited to SETH MICHAEL ANTHONY ORTEGA [holy shiz] 's wedding. It's on Nov 1st, a monday, which is gay bc i have 2 classes that day. I can ditch both, but i haven't figured out the transportation there yet. I took the train w/ Theresa today, and it was exhausting. Turns out she's not any better than me at direction, just more get-on-with-it. we took the wrong Rapid Metro bus and accidentally went to Santa Monica beach. The nice bus driver gave us a bus pass and directed us back. After we got to our destination, we hopped onto the Subway underground to get to the Union Station. From there we purchased our train ticket and took the train home. The subway was something akin to an unhappy version of a Disneyland ride. The train was like the plane; i met some nice ppl, not at all scary. But overall, it's hella tiring, and i really don't want to do that there and back by myself for a 3-hour event. SIGHHH
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